


Where She Begins/He Ends

by apollaskywalker



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, sex but don't come here to get off, smut machine broke got you sexual dysfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25085908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollaskywalker/pseuds/apollaskywalker
Summary: She's 100% Audrey and he cannot feel her.
Relationships: Audrey Parker/Nathan Wuornos
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Where She Begins/He Ends

She is one hundred percent Audrey. He knows because he cannot feel her. And he is elated – she is Audrey and no one else. For the first time since he’s known her, no other persona or history lies hidden. She’s herself. And that’s all he’s wanted.

But he cannot feel her, even as she presses herself to him. She kisses him and he thinks about telling her. When do her lips part? He realizes he has to guess or be the aggressor in deepening the kiss. He cannot tell her lips from her tongue from her teeth from his own face –

But if he tells her, it’s another thing to worry about.

She slides his shirt off and he knows because he sees his arms move in response to the tugging. He lets her undress him and he returns the favor. They are Audrey and Nathan, just this once there’s no one else.

In bed, the lack of feeling is even more pronounced. He has no idea if he’s hard until he looks, until he watches her take him into her hand and stroke him.

He doesn’t know how hard he’s pressing without listening to her cries and moans.

He doesn’t know if he’s doing a good enough job without watching her.

Outside of the sounds she makes, the sounds their bodies make – the slick, obscene noises as they meet, part, meet, part, and meet again – the sight of her mouth twisting into an ‘o’, her eyes rolling back in her head –

Is she digging her heels into his back? Are her nails raking his skin, leaving marks?

He cannot tell, cannot feel, where he ends and she begins.

He’s his own voyeur.

She comes once under his mouth and then again when he’s inside her. He fakes an orgasm – fakes it because he _cannot tell if he’s come or not_.

Slides out before she can comment on whether or not he’s softening or not.

Tells her he’ll be back and goes into the bathroom to fetch a washcloth to clean her up. Inside, he rolls off the condom – the come-free condom – and thinks erection killing thoughts: grandmas and knitting, the worst crime scene he’s ever seen, his own _goddamn trouble_ –

And she doesn’t notice. She’s none the wiser until he tells her the next morning.

it hurts. It _hurts_.

How do you not notice that he faked all that pleasure? Surely he messed up, pressed too hard or not hard enough. Did she think he was playing?

It doesn’t matter, he tells himself as he holds her, hoping to God he’s not crushing her or being too aloof. It doesn’t matter because she’s Audrey and not Mara, not Lucy, not Sarah, not Veronica, not Lexie –

She’s Audrey.

And he cannot feel her.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, ok? It just really bugged me that they had sex twice and Audrey didn't pick up on the fact that Nathan couldn't feel her.


End file.
